Something He Lacks
by Water Wytch
Summary: Artemis Fowl meets Eli. She isn't as smart as him, she isn't even that smart. She just has spunk though. And a bad temper. And lately, all her anger seems to be directed at one unlucky kid. [ Rating for language.]
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Only what you don't recognize belongs to me. I don't own Artemis. Sad, I know.

----

**Prologue:**

It was dark.

It was stormy.

It was 7am and she was still asleep because the alarm clock hasn't gone off yet.

_riiiiiing_

"ACK!" Ugh. I hate alarm clocks. Honestly, why do they have to be so LOUD? Oh. To wake us up… Never mind then. But, seriously, it's the clock's fault I'm on the floor right know, in a mess of sheets.

Standing up, I untangled the sheets from my body. One end of the sheet had gone through the strap of my shirt. I wonder how that went there. Anyway, the only reason I'm up THIS early is because Hayley's having her wedding today. Yep, she's getting married to good ol' Nat. They deserve each other, honestly, I didn't mean to sound sarcastic (If I did, that is). But I can't help but feel sad. I'm 24 and she's 24 yet she's getting married already. Sooner or later, she'll squeeze out kids! And me? What do I have? No one. I don't even have a fucking BOYFRIEND. God, do you know how embarrassing that is?

Oh wait. I'm going to be late.

----

"Butler, are you sure I have to attend this wedding with you? I don't even know the people that are getting married! I have much better things to do, you know." Artemis said. Butler just rolled his eyes at this. Artemis' idea of more important things was hacking and other criminal things. Surely he could take a rest from it, even for just one day. Artemis was trying on suit after suit, while Butler had already found the perfect tux.

"Yes, Artemis. I'm sure. These people mean a lot to me and I'd like for you to meet them." Butler answered. He was straightening his bow tie while watching as Artemis tried on yet another tux. Butler though it would go back in the closet when Artemis stopped fidgeting with the tie and smiled.

"Perfect."

----

Note: Uhm. Yeah… It's pretty short.. I just thought of this today and decided to write it down.. It's my first fanfic and I really wanna make it past 2 chapters.. Criticism welcome. I mean, I have to learn somewhere, right? So.. yeah. Please review.


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Artemis. Deal with it.

----

**Weddings, cakes, and the word 'arse':**

It's late, I know. But at least I was able to get out of the shower before the traffic started pouring in.

And rain.

You can't be thankful enough to barely miss rain, especially not in London. And it's a good thing too, because then my dress would have been ruined and Hayley would have killed me, and Nat too –but he wouldn't show it.

Oh, my dress. I love it, really. It's so pretty and I wouldn't want to wear it any place else because its aura is screaming out the words 'wedding' and 'Hayley'. It's the color green, which goes great with my black hair. And the shoes are black which goes great with my green eyes. See, it looks perfect on me. It's like it was MADE for me (Which it is, to be honest.).

Oh, I know. I look like the regular old 'Harry Potter'. But we have our differences, mind you. My hair is curly and long and my eyes are more of a moss, not emerald like our dear favorite wizard. Oh, and I'm a girl. You can't get more different than that, now can you?

Anyway, like I was saying, I missed the rain but I was still late for Hayley's wedding. Well, not exactly late, just late enough to miss her getting dressed. And that was the part that I wanted to see most of all. Oh well, we all can't have everything. At least I was in time to see her walk down the aisle. I was in front though, since I was the maid of honor. Lucky lucky me, eh?

**1 hour later**

At last, those two were finally married. It ended with a "You may now kiss the bride" (duh, really.). I've never seen Hayley look so happy. And I've never seen a more delicious looking cake. I want that cake, why can't they cut it already? Too busy giving air kisses and handshakes, I suppose. Lucky them, they got to be socializing with their guests while I'm stuck at the table next to the big cake. I can hear my stomach grumbling, and I know now that it was a bad idea to miss breakfast. Especially when the wedding lunch won't happen for a while.

The table where Hayley put me has only one other person. An old lady who thinks that it's her daughters wedding, not Hayley's. I know for a fact that this isn't Hayley's mother because, I've seen Hayley's mother and compared to this lady, her mother could be Miss USA. It's kind of boring, having only an old lady to talk to. Not that I'm talking to her, or anything. I'm just being busy examining my nails. I don't really expect anyone to come over and sit at our table, seeing how the only occupants are an old lady and a young girl. You can tell how surprised I was when 2 people came and sat over here anyway.

The first guy reminded me of the Terminator guy, Arnold something. Can't pronounce his last name. Anyway, he was bald and tall and…. Bald and tall. And he looked pretty macho to me. One could mistake him for a bodyguard, although I think he is. The second guy reminded me of Count Dracula -although a very _hot _Count Dracula. He had dark hair, unlike his partner, and blue eyes. Very cold looking blue eyes, mind you. They just sat on the two remaining chairs, both next to me, and continued their discussion on something. Trying not to overhear, really, I couldn't help but catch the name 'Juliet' a lot. Was this Dracula's girlfriend, Or maybe Baldy's? I couldn't be sure, but I did detect an English accent -but not _pure _English. Maybe he was from Scotland, or Ireland. I couldn't be sure, but right now, all I cared about was cake.

"Excuse me miss, I was wondering if you've seen Hayley?" I looked around, and found out the question was directed at me. I think it was the bald guy, but I couldn't be sure since both of them were staring at me expecting an answer.

"Uhm, yes. She's right over there, shaking hands and greeting the guests. She's almost done though…" I said to no one in particular since I wasn't sure which of them asked me. The bald guy nodded, and I knew my first thought that it was him who asked me was correct. Dracula reached out his hand, expecting me to take it. I took it and shook it gently, noticing how soft his hands were. This was obviously not a guy who did all the hard work. Maybe Baldy here did it all for him.

"Artemis Fowl the second. And, may I ask, who might you be?" Artemis Fowl? That genius kid? Oh, I didn't realize it was him. Oh well.

"Eli. Eli Lyndon." I told him, taking back my hand and looking at Baldy. I still didn't know _his _name yet both of them knew mine.

"And this is my friend and bodyguard, Butler." Artemis told me. Oh, his name was Butler. What kind of name was that? Oh well, I didn't ask. Even if Butler was a weird name, it was even weirder that Artemis, being male, was named after an ancient Greek goddess. I stifled a giggle and went on looking at the tablecloth, which was very exciting mind you. Note the sarcasm.

Finally! Now that they're done being the hostess and host, we can eat! I know it was a selfish thought of me to wish they would hurry up, but my mind isn't doing the thinking right now. It's my stomachs fault so blame it. I had a big slice of cake on my plate, courtesy of Hayley, and while I was waiting for my slice after she cut hers, I heard her talking with Butler. Apparently, it was Butler who was associated with Hayley, not Artemis.

While Butler was hugging and congratulating Hayley, Artemis was simply staring into the cake. I got him a slice and gave it to him and we both ate in silence while waiting for Butler to come back. I didn't want to start a conversation, and obviously he wasn't the talking type, so we both ate our cake. The cake was really good, mind you. One of the best cakes I've tasted. Or maybe I was just so hungry that I didn't notice how it tasted. All I know is, it tastes good. I confess, I might have jumped a little when Artemis finally struck up a conversation.

"How do you know Miss Hayley?" He asked, not looking at me but at Butler and Hayley. I swallowed the small piece of cake in my mouth, since it's rude to talk while your mouth is full you know, and turned to look at him just a bit.

"She was my best friend since Kindergarten. We were classmates, bus mates, and even neighbors. Our own mothers were best friends." I told him, taking another little slice of cake, this time making sure there was a lot of icing.

"I assume she has known her husband for a while as well." He stated, still not looking at me. What, was I really _that _ugly? The least he could do was look at me while he was talking, right?

"Yes. 5 years, as a matter of fact. I think they're perfect for each other" With a little grin, I finished off my cake.

"How are you so sure?" Well, finally he looks at me, this time with his left eyebrow raised.

"Well, it's pretty much obvious how they love each other. I mean, when they look into each other's eyes, you can see their love. And the way they interact with each other, you know, body language." I told him. I was hungry so I went to get more cake. When I came back, He had already finished his slice and was just standing, staring at the two lovebirds.

"I don't think its love. Love doesn't exist. Either they're marrying each other for something the other has, or they're being fooled by their own minds." He told me. I nearly choked on my bite of cake. Okay, maybe I did cough a bit. After that though, I looked him in the eye with my own narrowed ones.

"What the fuck do you mean by that?" I dropped the plate of cake. Oh, did I forget to mention I have a temper? And I swear like a sailor. But only if you get me mad. I'm like the incredible hulk, only prettier and human. He looked at me again, this time both eyebrows raised. I guess my language surprised him.

"Love isn't real, Ms. Lyndon. It's simply an illusion created by the mind. It has to do with phenyl ethylamine." He told me. I heard of that. Wasn't that mention in Meg Cabot's book? I snorted though, just to annoy him.

"What, and you could tell that love doesn't exist because you have an oversized brain? Just because you're a genius doesn't mean you know everything. You're wrong about love, because from what I can tell, Hayley and Nat love each other. So there." I told him and crossed my arms, tilting my chin up. I had to if I wanted to look the fool in the eye. Pssssh.

"How are you so sure that that isn't mainly attraction?" He asked, coolly. I wanted to box him right then and there.

"Well, maybe the fact that they want to spend the rest of their lives together helps." I rolled my eyes. If only I didn't drop the cake, then I would have something to smash into that face of his. I didn't even have a stinking champagne flute. I did the next best thing though, I called him a name.

"You're a bloody arse, Fowl. I hope that you _never _find love." With that, I turned on my heel and walked away.

HAH. I had the last word. So, it was only obvious that I won, right? Anyway, I had to find Hayley and Nat and tell them what a nutcase the Fowl guy was. Well, at least he didn't interrupt the wedding or anything destructive to the couple. I guess I had to count my blessings.

-----

Note: I would love to thank my reviewers. I was planning on giving it up. The story, I mean. But the reviewers gave me courage to write more. (How lame is that, lol xD)

I know the plotline is a bit hazy at first, but I promise you I'll get to it. And.. I hope you like it. It's longer this time.. :P


End file.
